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Separation Anxiety

The House of Learning

Updated: 16 hours ago

Tearful, tantrum-filled goodbyes are common during a child's earliest years. 

Though separation anxiety is a perfectly normal part of childhood development, it can be unsettling. 


Separation anxiety

We will help you to understand what your child is going through and suggest a few ways to cope with separation anxiety which will help both of you get through it.


Separation Anxiety timeline


Babies adapt pretty well to other caregivers. Parents probably feel more anxiety about being separated than infants do! As long as their needs are being met, most babies younger than 6 months adjust easily to other people.

Between 4–7 months of age, babies develop a sense of "object permanence” and start showing first signs of anxiety. Babies learn that when they can't see their caregiver, that means they've gone away. 

Children between 8 months and 1 year old are growing into more independent toddlers, yet are even more uncertain about being separated from a parent. Whether you need to go into the next room for just a few seconds, leave your child with a sitter for the evening, or drop off your child at a nursery, your child might now react by crying, clinging to you, and resisting attention from others.


Separation Anxiety Timeline

The timing of separation anxiety can vary. Some children might go through it later, between 18 months and 2½ years of age. Some never experience it. And for others, certain life stresses can trigger feelings of anxiety about being separated from a parent: a new caregiver, a new sibling, moving to a new place, or tension at home.



 

How Long Does It Last?


Separation Anxiety

How long separation anxiety lasts can vary, depending on the child and how family members respond. In some cases, depending on a child's temperament, separation anxiety can last from infancy through the elementary school years.



What You Might Feel

Separation anxiety might have you feeling a variety of emotions. It can be nice to feel that your child is finally as attached to you as you are to them. But you're also likely to feel guilty about taking time out for yourself, leaving your child with another caregiver, or going to work. 

Keep in mind that your little one's unwillingness to leave you is a good sign that healthy attachments have developed between the two of you. 

Eventually, your child will be able to remember that you always return after you leave, and that will be comfort enough while you're gone. This also gives kids a chance to develop coping skills and a little independence.


 

It's Only Temporary


Remember, this phase will pass. If your child has never been cared for by anyone but you, is naturally shy, or has other stresses, separation anxiety may be worse than it is for other kids.

Helping babies and children with separation anxiety

If your child is suffering from separation anxiety, it’s best not to avoid separation. Instead, there are many things you can do to gently encourage and help your child.


In new places:

  • If you’re leaving your child somewhere new, like a relative’s house, child care center or preschool, spend time at the new place with your child before the separation. 

  • Let your child take something they love from home, like a teddy bear, pillow or blanket. These objects will help your child feel safer, and you can gradually phase them out as your child feels more settled in the new place.

  • Tell your child’s relative, child care center, preschool or school about their separation anxiety. Also let them know about what you’re doing to help your child. This way, other people can give your child consistent support.


When you’re leaving your baby or child

  • Start with short separations from your child. You can gradually increase the time apart as your child becomes comfortable with separation.

  • Tell your child when you’re leaving and when you’ll be back. This is helpful even with babies. Leaving without saying goodbye can make things worse. Your child might feel confused or upset when they realize you’re not around. They might be fearful and harder to settle the next time you leave them.

  • Settle your child in an enjoyable activity before you leave.

  • Say goodbye to your child briefly – don’t drag it out.

  • Keep a relaxed and happy look on your face when you’re leaving. If you seem worried or sad, your child might think the place isn’t safe and can get upset too.


At home

  • Help your child get used to being apart from you by leaving them in a room with someone else. For example, ‘I’m just going to the kitchen for a little bit. Nanna will look after you’. Start with very short separations and build up over time.

  • Avoid criticizing or being negative about your child’s difficulty with separation. For example, avoid saying things like ‘She’s such a mummy’s girl’ or ‘Don’t be such a baby’.

  • Read books or make up stories with your child about separation fears. For example, ‘Once upon a time, there was a little bunny who didn’t want to leave his mummy. He was afraid of what he might find outside his burrow. This might help your child feel they’re not alone in being afraid of separating from their parents.

  • Make a conscious effort to support your child’s self-esteem by giving them plenty of positive attention when they’re brave about being away from you.


 

Have questions about our educational approach?

Contact us at The House of Learning Nursery we're happy to help!

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